They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
