She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
