there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
