Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
