Cold hands, warm shart.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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