Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
