It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
