If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
