dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
