let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
