im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
worst night to have a conscience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
