Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
