u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
