you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize