we're blogging at a bar
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
