If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
