Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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