OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
