My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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