no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
