Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
