Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
