I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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