Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
