call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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