what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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