I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
