he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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