is your mom at the bar?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
