At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
