I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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