if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
