she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
