You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
