Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
