He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize