I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
