he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
