Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
