we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
