we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
