This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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