Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
