i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
