i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
