I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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