if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize