people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
