I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love having hate sex.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
