You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I want her autograph on my taint
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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