You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
