So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize