You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
