a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
