i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
