Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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