You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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