Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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