i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
