Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
