i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize