I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ttyl tear gas
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
