So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
