Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
