The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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