Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
