Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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