You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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